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Wednesday, October 16, 2013

No Frills. Part 3. The Part where I get stoned.

I did something pretty recently. Since I have no idea what an actual blog is, or looks like, I decided to check out a few. What a load of crap most of them are. All of the ones I saw had themes and fancy pictures and no substance. It was eye-catching, but ultimately disappointing. Now I understand why blog is an "ugh" word. Just hearing it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. I wasn't amused, intrigued, or entertained by any of them. I'm glad I decided to do what I always do and disregard the intended purposes of things and make it my own. I mean, look at this shit. No pictures, no fancy format, no boorish attempt to be catchy. I just write. I write and fuck it, if you want to read, then read. I'm not stopping you. I'm not even really promoting it. I just share a post after I've done one. One time, I messaged a handful of people and suggested they check it out. It doubled my readers. That's about all the promoting I plan on doing.
    I'm happy you are reading this. All of you. It's nice to feel appreciated. So thanks. I try to give nothing but substance. It's not showy. Yet, I like to think it's interesting. Even when I don't actually feel like writing but am trying to get out a story anyway, like this one. Here's part 3.

The Finch's nourished themselves on fruit from the nearby trees. They never imagined there could be a place like this down in the antarctic. All of the flora and fauna they encountered resembled what they've seen up north, but it was all somehow different. A peculiar striping of the fur, an odd leafing, most bizarre was this blue and white dog-like creature with tiny horns.
(Alright, I'm bored. I'm going to get really stoned, then finish this.)
So these two dumbasses were wandering around the antarctic jungle. Yes, the antarctic jungle. How is that possible? It's not, but fuck it's cool. They were all excited to explore this new land. That was, until John sees a figure in the distance. A massive bastard he was. I'm talking like King Kong size. He sees this dark shadow in the distance and nearly shits himself. He's all, "Fuck, I didn't sign up for no King Kong shit." And his wife is like, "This is fucking stupid. Let's get the hell out of here."
So they get the hell out of there. As they're running away like bitches, they see a dude fighting a tiger. They ask, "Hey, guy? Why are you fighting a tiger? Are you an idiot? It's a fucking tiger."
And he's yelling, "Help me, you dicks!" So they help him, but he gets all hurt. They take care of him and he's super gracious. He tells them he wants to take them to his village where they will be safe, and maybe could possibly somehow find a way home. On their way, they see that King Kong bastard again and run for the hills leaving their guide behind. Now they're all scared and freaking out. They survive for a few days in the wild being badasses, but that shadow keeps popping up. It's like it's following them or something.
   One day it pops up right in front of them. They turn to run, but there's another, and another, and another. They're all over. They're getting closer. Uh oh!
   They faint like a bunch of pussies. The King Kongs take them. Later, the Finch's wake up. Turns out the Kings Kongs are totally cool and not monkeys at all. They're just extremely gigantic people. Little buddy is there. Turns out he's only 34 and considered a baby by the others. Some of the extra huge ones have been alive since before Jesus was made up by the Flavians to keep the violent Messianic Jews under their control and paying taxes. Everybody in the village is pretty chill until they discover the Finch's are foreigners. The giants immediately bring them to the little humans from the port. Now captured, the couple is explained what's happening in true James Bond bad guy style.
    Turns out people aren't supposed to shrivel up and die. They naturally keep growing. It's these assholes who are slowly poisoning us so we die. They say it's to prevent over-population, or keep people stupid, or weak, or whatever. It doesn't matter because the Finch's are then shot in the head and dumped in the sea.


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