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Monday, May 26, 2014


I hated her. I hated her so much. Even as I tore off the tight clothes from her lithe young body. Even as I lifted her up onto the sink in this tiny bar bathroom. I can't stop thinking about the horrible pain she's caused me, all the evil she's done. I hate her even as her perfectly shaped breasts press into my bare chest; her fingers undoing my pants with knowing familiarity. How dare she do this after all that's happened? How dare she control me like this, revealing just how weak I truly am? Fuck her! But still... my lips are on her neck. She slips her slender fingers in and out of her mouth. Wraps them around my throbbing cock. I want to hit her but instead push myself deep inside her, pumping hard, harder than I should, and she lets out a little squeal with each thrust. I fuck violently, angrily. I want to punish her. I want this to hurt. Yet, she only screams for more. She is insatiable. I despise her lusts. I grab her hair, I choke her, but she only wants more. She always wants more. My heart is beating wildly and I'm harder than I can ever remember being. I'll finish soon and be done with her forever. Sensing I might come soon, she bites down hard on my neck. "Harder!" I grunt. I feel her teeth digging into me. I thrust even harder. I hate her so much. Rage floods through my entire body. I thrust even harder, even faster.

I want to stop. I want to pry my hands from her smooth body and walk out. I want to leave her begging and alone. This girl ruined my life. This bitch took everything I had and left me without a word... but I don't. Her teeth pierce my skin. I feel hot blood trickling down my shoulder. Her nails dig into my back. This pain is perfect. She is perfect. I love her and I will love her for as long as I live. I want to run away with her, marry her. But I know how this will end.

We climax, sharing a moment of pure ecstasy. Everything is bright and beautiful. We fall softly into each other's arms. We kiss passionately. In this moment, she is mine, but only in this moment. We put our clothes back on in silence. Cold sobriety rushes over us. When I have finished dressing, I walk out of the bathroom without so much as a glance in her direction. I hate myself for having done this. I hate that I love her.

Back in the bar, I feel ashamed of what I've done. I head out the front doors and into the cool, dark street. I pause at my car. What a fucking fool I am! I hear a small voice come from behind me as I open the car door. "Wait." it says. I turn around and I see her, electric and beautiful. I focus on my facial expression, trying to keep it angry. I fight with myself to stay where I am when all I want to do is run to her and hold her in my arms one last time. "WHAT?!" I bark out. She looks meekly up at me. I see tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she says. "Please don't hate me."

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Challenge Me

I like the strange. I like the bizarre. I like the anomalies. I like to be tricked, and to be fooled. I like tricks of the eye. I like duality in words. I like to be shamed, fooled, bested, outsmarted, outdone. I like to be taught. I like to be shown. I like to be enlightened. I like to be embarrassed.

I seek these things out. I want to know there is more than what I have already achieved, to what I have already thought. I want my mind to be changed. I want to be humbled. I want to feel insignificant and uneducated. I NEED it.

I need to feel unprepared and unlearned. I need my weaknesses to be shown. I need this so I can destroy them, so I can utterly eradicate all traces of their existence. Show me where I'm wrong. Show me what I don't know. Prove to me I still have far to go.

I can't stand to feel superior. I can't stand to feel more capable and more intelligent than all those around me. There must be someone better than me. There must! I need it. I need it to motivate and inspire me. None of this is fun without a challenge. None of this is worth it without a peer.

Show me how you're better than me,
then try your best to keep it that way.

I won't make it easy.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Conversations with a space heater

We've been together for 8 years now. You've seen my trials and tribulations. You know me better than anyone. For the first time in my life, I need advice. I'm at a crossroads and I don't know which path to take. On one side, I'll be miserable and depressed almost constantly. I'd be ridiculed and tormented. It could possibly destroy me. But at the same time, there are those few fleeting moments in which I feel truly alive. In those moments I understand what life is all about, why we're here, and everything makes sense. It's total life engulfing bliss and happiness.

On the other hand, I can have a normal life, without all the suffering. We can grow old together, stay faithful, have a house and children, and never stray. But it seems so fake, so foreign, so boring. Instead of the thrill and purpose, it's a peaceful, mellow contentment. Even so, I'd be glad to have it.

What should I do? Please, help me. You're my oldest friend. You've always been there for me. Well, what do you have to say?


I forgot

You're a space heater.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Little poems for little loves

Sometimes I see someone and get inspired. It could be a beautiful stranger walking past, a familiar girl who's already taken, or a woman who didn't turn out to be what she seemed. But for whatever the reason, I occasionally write little poems. I wanted to share a few I had sitting in my pocket.

The Taken Girl

She stands by me now
elegant and fair
marble white skin and ivy green hair

She does not know
the power she holds
to pull on my heart and quicken my pulse

But her love is not mine
we're not to be together
so I'll dream of a kiss that's meant for another

The Beautiful Stranger

She wears trouble like a little black dress
Her beauty, like a black hole, never lets you go.

The Ghost

I've seen your face in many a crowd
You steal my gaze whenever you're around

But who you are, I'll never know
a love so far, and yet so close.

A Great Start

An endless gray
an impossible endless gray
engulfs my life

Gone are the vibrant colors I once enjoyed

I drift along
through a tepid sea
Old Man Sorrow
is shadowing me

When I met you
the clouds parted
and sunlight filled my life.

The Ex

The mention of your name sends shivers down my spine
There was once a time when I called you mine.
A stain on my past blacker than pitch
I can't think of you without muttering