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Saturday, October 12, 2013

Fuck Cars.

I fucking hate cars! So little innovation in such a great length of time. Cars are the biggest bunch of bullshit. Super fucking expensive and all you get is a giant piece of crap. Let's just take a second to look at these ridiculous lumps of trash. First of all, these dumb things run on a finite fuel source that is both inefficient in converting that energy, but pollutes the fuck out of the environment. A full tank doesn't even go that far and gas is as expensive as all hell. Secondly, these massive loads of crap are supported by four strips of rubber filled with air. How in the fuck is that intelligent? Rubber? Pliable, shred-able, stab-able, rubber? How the fuck is that supposed to last? Drive over a nail, and you're tire becomes instantly useless, thus the entire car becomes useless. Plus, any fucker with the urge can stab them and fuck your whole shit up with barely any effort. And the shitty rubber strips are filled with air! Motherfucking air! How is that safe?! 2 tons of metal zooming down the street at 50MPH on four fucking balloons! Great idea, asshole. Hey, here's an idea. Why don't we start building our houses on foundations made of fucking styrofoam? And every year we pay to jam some more underneath in order to keep our houses standing up straight?
   Here's another awesome thing. The braking system for these things are two flat rocks on either side of the wheel that pinch it and the resulting friction expends energy from it's momentum. Two fucking rocks literally squeeze the wheels to make them stop. That is just so damn technical. Come on, it's 2013. Every part of the car is weak and easily worn. Shit breaks on the slightest of bumps. You are constantly replacing some stupid thing or other. It never ends. You spend craploads of money just to get the thing, and all it does is constantly suck the money out of your account. All this just so you can get from point A to point B. Why? Why don't we just get rid of all the useless fucking things already and have buses and shit that will take you anywhere quickly? Why are we still driving ourselves at all?
    As you all know, each crapmobile is equipped with 2 giant lights in the front. This is so you can see where you are going at night. Great idea, until you have hundreds of these fucking things on every street. These lights have 2 settings: annoying as fuck, and paralyzingly blinding. Why don't the streets light up as you drive down them? It would save power and increase road safety. And speaking of road safety, WHY AREN'T ALL CARS FACTORY EQUIPPED WITH BREATHALYZER STARTERS? How many people a year are killed by drunk drivers? You don't want people to drive drunk? Here's your fucking solution you money-grubbing pricks. I have barely even scratched the surface on my total, all encompassing, passionate hatred of automobiles, but I'm tired, and I'm guessing you've had enough. You get the idea, I'm sure. FUCK CARS.

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