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Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Chapter 1 rough draft

I would say this is my last chance, but that would be a lie, wouldn't it? For who can really tell which chance is truly their last? I've tried all my life. Every chance seemed like the last at the time. Then there was another... and another. What might feel like the end isn't necessarily THE END. More often then not, it is simply an end.

So let me tell you about an end. We can uncover its finality if and when the occasion arises. Until then, you'll be needing a background. The sequence and timing of events is crucial to understanding the situation we currently find ourselves in.

Riley was one of 8 siblings. During her early years her parents wondered if there might be something wrong with her. She did not begin talking until she was three years old, a full year after even the slowest child in the neighborhood. Yet, when Riley finally did speak she was far more elegant with words than her peers. (As elegant as a three year old can be, which turns out to be not that much.)

Only two years later, at the age of five, was the first time Riley considered killing herself.
"It was simple enough," she thought. "Just hop in front of a car or jump off a bridge, and there you go. Real quick and painless. If I do this I'm definitely not doing it the other ways."
The other ways were slow, and messy, and painful. She didn't want pain. She wanted out.

You see, Riley's mind was a special one. She had the ability to understand. She understood things like: Everyday is someone's last day. And what does everyone hope to do by their last day? Change the world? Leave a mark? Accomplish great feats and be remembered and loved by others? Find purpose? Yet, look at this world. It refuses to change. People constantly die unknown and penniless. They are forgotten, or hated, or an air conditioner falls out an eighth story window and smushes their head to bits. Pointless.

There is no grand arc to a person's life. No hero's journey destined to be fulfilled. There is simply nothing. You do arbitrary things until you stop doing arbitrary things and that's just the way it is.

Still, the thought of eternal torment in Hell terrified her horribly. Now Riley didn't really believe the words spoken by the adults at church. To be honest, they terrified her. She found the possibility that truly believed what they said to be the most frightening prospect of all. Still, she could not make this decision without first getting more facts on the subject. Once she understood the truth of the matter, she could make an informed decision.

Riley cried alone in her bed. Fully cognizant of the Hell of reality which stretched out seemingly endlessly before her, and begged any higher beings of any kind if they existed, to please help her.

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