I don't believe being important in the eyes of others or making some vast change for humankind is actually any kind of genuine accomplishment. What is a person, after-all? A bit of nothing. No. Less than nothing. Completely and utterly inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. So what is zero multiplied by a million? A billion? 7 billion? Still zero. We're lying to ourselves. We push up others to heights we feel we will never reach in an attempt to create importance out of nothing. We tell ourselves lies to give meaning to supposed power and talent belonging only to the holy ministry of fame and it's disciples of celebrity. Cognitive dissonance on a massive level. By having a system in place that glorifies the few while devaluing the many, we protect ourselves from harsh, unmerciful truths. The few who made it become more than human. Eternal and god-like. The many console themselves with the idea that they lack the magical prowess of a deity required to elevate to such nirvanic heights. Whilst simultaneously birthing a reason to keep others from striving for the summit of their own ambitions. We can mock and vilify those who dare to dream. And if they fall, gratify ourselves with their ruination. A ruination that appeases the voices of fear within our minds. The ones that say you are never good enough. The ones that persuade you not to try, to stay where it is safe. Despite all the conventions driven into our brains from birth, there really is no point to anything we do. So, look upon Time's incalculable might, and tremble! Then get up, abandon your pointless fears, and waste what little time you have, doing what makes you happy.
I needed that. Every interaction with others is a test in self discipline. I tired of holding my tongue, or answering with a nod or a word. The back-flow of words is building to tempestuous grandeur and if I don't open the sluices I'm going to fucking suffocate in a mire of frustrated silence. I don't care if my opinions are sharp and biting. I need to set the steel-toothed monstrosity loose or suffer it's death-grip myself. I don't care who gets it or who is hurt by it. It needs to roam. I may not know what I'm doing, but at least I don't pretend I do. At least I can look at myself with pride, and face the uncertainty, standing alone, with head held high. Nothing out there can knock me down and I dare them to try. I'll never follow your advice. I could care less for your approval. And I refuse to be tied down by your needs
It's just I've been feeling the tenebrous tentacles of my life constricting around me more than usual.