I've been sort of busy lately. Oh well! How are you, you sexy little weirdos? Are you getting your squirrely bits all good and sloppy? Taking the purple-helmeted warrior out to battle? Just make sure to stow away some time for big things, whatever your big things are. It's scary spooky season. Do creepy things. Make someone uncomfortable. Go ahead.
I think it's so bizarre that people don't notice the things I notice. I mean, it's not like it's hard or anything. They're right there. Staring you in the face. All the time. How could you miss them? When I talk to people, they remember me. It's not that I'm really all that memorable, but what I say is. When I point out, for example, how more and more gender roles are being reversed these days, people start to look at things in a different light. Kind of like you're doing right now. Just look how many guys wear girl clothes when given even the flimsiest pretenses to do so. Or girls who outdrink men and quite literally kick their asses. Need more? Fine. Guys ordering traditionally girly food like salads and fruit cups while out to eat with chicks who order traditionally manly food like a bacon double cheeseburger or a big bloody steak.. Guys whining like little bitches about their emotions and broken-hearts. Women who don't want to be serenaded, but fucked, hard. Guys pussing out, leaving their girls to stand up for them. The roles have switched. Most women are more manly than most of these annoying little pricks. I personally love that women are way more badass today than they ever were before. Hell yeah, girls! Bring it on!
And guys, please shut the fuck up and grow a pair. Quit being so goddamn insecure or I'm going to kick you in the fucking nuts. I'm more of a man in my 110 lbs of skin and bone than you 250 pound bodybuilding bitches.
Generally when I speak like this in public, at least one guy tries to stand up for himself. So I challenge him to a fight, and he makes excuses and tries to back away. This is when I start insulting his whore of a mother and his puny little penis. Still nothing. I'll push him, throw shit at him and still he refuses to fight. Have you seen me? I look like someone your grandmother could take. These guys who completely outmatch me are too scared to prove it. Know why? Because inside they are nothing but scared little children looking for a mother in a lover. I'm a man, and I want a woman as my equal.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
No Frills. Part 3. The Part where I get stoned.
I did something pretty recently. Since I have no idea what an actual blog is, or looks like, I decided to check out a few. What a load of crap most of them are. All of the ones I saw had themes and fancy pictures and no substance. It was eye-catching, but ultimately disappointing. Now I understand why blog is an "ugh" word. Just hearing it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. I wasn't amused, intrigued, or entertained by any of them. I'm glad I decided to do what I always do and disregard the intended purposes of things and make it my own. I mean, look at this shit. No pictures, no fancy format, no boorish attempt to be catchy. I just write. I write and fuck it, if you want to read, then read. I'm not stopping you. I'm not even really promoting it. I just share a post after I've done one. One time, I messaged a handful of people and suggested they check it out. It doubled my readers. That's about all the promoting I plan on doing.
I'm happy you are reading this. All of you. It's nice to feel appreciated. So thanks. I try to give nothing but substance. It's not showy. Yet, I like to think it's interesting. Even when I don't actually feel like writing but am trying to get out a story anyway, like this one. Here's part 3.
The Finch's nourished themselves on fruit from the nearby trees. They never imagined there could be a place like this down in the antarctic. All of the flora and fauna they encountered resembled what they've seen up north, but it was all somehow different. A peculiar striping of the fur, an odd leafing, most bizarre was this blue and white dog-like creature with tiny horns.
(Alright, I'm bored. I'm going to get really stoned, then finish this.)
So these two dumbasses were wandering around the antarctic jungle. Yes, the antarctic jungle. How is that possible? It's not, but fuck it's cool. They were all excited to explore this new land. That was, until John sees a figure in the distance. A massive bastard he was. I'm talking like King Kong size. He sees this dark shadow in the distance and nearly shits himself. He's all, "Fuck, I didn't sign up for no King Kong shit." And his wife is like, "This is fucking stupid. Let's get the hell out of here."
So they get the hell out of there. As they're running away like bitches, they see a dude fighting a tiger. They ask, "Hey, guy? Why are you fighting a tiger? Are you an idiot? It's a fucking tiger."
And he's yelling, "Help me, you dicks!" So they help him, but he gets all hurt. They take care of him and he's super gracious. He tells them he wants to take them to his village where they will be safe, and maybe could possibly somehow find a way home. On their way, they see that King Kong bastard again and run for the hills leaving their guide behind. Now they're all scared and freaking out. They survive for a few days in the wild being badasses, but that shadow keeps popping up. It's like it's following them or something.
One day it pops up right in front of them. They turn to run, but there's another, and another, and another. They're all over. They're getting closer. Uh oh!
They faint like a bunch of pussies. The King Kongs take them. Later, the Finch's wake up. Turns out the Kings Kongs are totally cool and not monkeys at all. They're just extremely gigantic people. Little buddy is there. Turns out he's only 34 and considered a baby by the others. Some of the extra huge ones have been alive since before Jesus was made up by the Flavians to keep the violent Messianic Jews under their control and paying taxes. Everybody in the village is pretty chill until they discover the Finch's are foreigners. The giants immediately bring them to the little humans from the port. Now captured, the couple is explained what's happening in true James Bond bad guy style.
Turns out people aren't supposed to shrivel up and die. They naturally keep growing. It's these assholes who are slowly poisoning us so we die. They say it's to prevent over-population, or keep people stupid, or weak, or whatever. It doesn't matter because the Finch's are then shot in the head and dumped in the sea.
THE END
I'm happy you are reading this. All of you. It's nice to feel appreciated. So thanks. I try to give nothing but substance. It's not showy. Yet, I like to think it's interesting. Even when I don't actually feel like writing but am trying to get out a story anyway, like this one. Here's part 3.
The Finch's nourished themselves on fruit from the nearby trees. They never imagined there could be a place like this down in the antarctic. All of the flora and fauna they encountered resembled what they've seen up north, but it was all somehow different. A peculiar striping of the fur, an odd leafing, most bizarre was this blue and white dog-like creature with tiny horns.
(Alright, I'm bored. I'm going to get really stoned, then finish this.)
So these two dumbasses were wandering around the antarctic jungle. Yes, the antarctic jungle. How is that possible? It's not, but fuck it's cool. They were all excited to explore this new land. That was, until John sees a figure in the distance. A massive bastard he was. I'm talking like King Kong size. He sees this dark shadow in the distance and nearly shits himself. He's all, "Fuck, I didn't sign up for no King Kong shit." And his wife is like, "This is fucking stupid. Let's get the hell out of here."
So they get the hell out of there. As they're running away like bitches, they see a dude fighting a tiger. They ask, "Hey, guy? Why are you fighting a tiger? Are you an idiot? It's a fucking tiger."
And he's yelling, "Help me, you dicks!" So they help him, but he gets all hurt. They take care of him and he's super gracious. He tells them he wants to take them to his village where they will be safe, and maybe could possibly somehow find a way home. On their way, they see that King Kong bastard again and run for the hills leaving their guide behind. Now they're all scared and freaking out. They survive for a few days in the wild being badasses, but that shadow keeps popping up. It's like it's following them or something.
One day it pops up right in front of them. They turn to run, but there's another, and another, and another. They're all over. They're getting closer. Uh oh!
They faint like a bunch of pussies. The King Kongs take them. Later, the Finch's wake up. Turns out the Kings Kongs are totally cool and not monkeys at all. They're just extremely gigantic people. Little buddy is there. Turns out he's only 34 and considered a baby by the others. Some of the extra huge ones have been alive since before Jesus was made up by the Flavians to keep the violent Messianic Jews under their control and paying taxes. Everybody in the village is pretty chill until they discover the Finch's are foreigners. The giants immediately bring them to the little humans from the port. Now captured, the couple is explained what's happening in true James Bond bad guy style.
Turns out people aren't supposed to shrivel up and die. They naturally keep growing. It's these assholes who are slowly poisoning us so we die. They say it's to prevent over-population, or keep people stupid, or weak, or whatever. It doesn't matter because the Finch's are then shot in the head and dumped in the sea.
THE END
Sunday, October 13, 2013
That story I started last post Part Deux
The pair of adventure-crazed adrenaline junkies followed the barge to a port on the coast of Antarctica. The barge was unloading large crates by the time they caught up to it. In the distance they could see that their presence was finally noticed. Men could be seen pointing in their direction, then hurrying off in different directions. "It's about time." says John Finch. "We've been behind them for two damn days" He then stands high up on the bow and waves. His greeting is returned, with cannon fire.
The sailboat doesn't stand a chance. The sea swallows it, and the Finches. The secret remains safe. If it got out, millions would be slaughtered in the ensuing chaos. It was a necessary loss. Small craft are sent out to make sure there were no survivors. Teams begin to seek out the ship and who sent it. No one must ever know what is housed here. Anyone possessing even the slightest knowledge of this place or it's contents must be eliminated. No exceptions. It is crucial to the survival of the entire human race.
After an indeterminable amount of time Kait Finch wakes on an icy embankment. Her body is numb with cold. She finds John and wakes him. They're delirious and lost. All around them a blanket of white obscures the landscape. Out of a mad desire to survive even this, the couple wander stumbling through the cold, determined to find anything, to live just a bit longer if anything. They find a cave in the side of a cliff. They crawl inside and rest their aching legs. They sit together knowing death is not far off. They exchange words of love and of having not one single regret. They lived according to their principles 100%.
Just as it seems all hope is lost, they hear strange noises emanating from deep inside the cave. "You up for one last adventure, Honey?" asks Kait. "You know it." laughs John. Struggling with effort, the couple rise to their feet and make their way deeper inside the cave. The temperature rises consistently as they travel. Eventually, they strip off most of their heavy frozen clothes. They come across some stalactites dripping water and stand under them mouths open. Some of their strength returns with the meager hydration.
They continue deeper into the bizarre cave. John notices a light at the end of one tunnel. He and his wife can't believe their eyes. Reaching the aperture, the cave opens up revealing a lush jungle. The Finch's fall to their knees in disbelief. Kait is the first back to her feet. The only thing she can think to say is, "I've seen just about everything, but what the fuck is this?"
The sailboat doesn't stand a chance. The sea swallows it, and the Finches. The secret remains safe. If it got out, millions would be slaughtered in the ensuing chaos. It was a necessary loss. Small craft are sent out to make sure there were no survivors. Teams begin to seek out the ship and who sent it. No one must ever know what is housed here. Anyone possessing even the slightest knowledge of this place or it's contents must be eliminated. No exceptions. It is crucial to the survival of the entire human race.
After an indeterminable amount of time Kait Finch wakes on an icy embankment. Her body is numb with cold. She finds John and wakes him. They're delirious and lost. All around them a blanket of white obscures the landscape. Out of a mad desire to survive even this, the couple wander stumbling through the cold, determined to find anything, to live just a bit longer if anything. They find a cave in the side of a cliff. They crawl inside and rest their aching legs. They sit together knowing death is not far off. They exchange words of love and of having not one single regret. They lived according to their principles 100%.
Just as it seems all hope is lost, they hear strange noises emanating from deep inside the cave. "You up for one last adventure, Honey?" asks Kait. "You know it." laughs John. Struggling with effort, the couple rise to their feet and make their way deeper inside the cave. The temperature rises consistently as they travel. Eventually, they strip off most of their heavy frozen clothes. They come across some stalactites dripping water and stand under them mouths open. Some of their strength returns with the meager hydration.
They continue deeper into the bizarre cave. John notices a light at the end of one tunnel. He and his wife can't believe their eyes. Reaching the aperture, the cave opens up revealing a lush jungle. The Finch's fall to their knees in disbelief. Kait is the first back to her feet. The only thing she can think to say is, "I've seen just about everything, but what the fuck is this?"
Saturday, October 12, 2013
They are driving me insane
Since day one at the loft, my roommates make me feel like I'm schizophrenic. Not like openly accusing me of being a madman or anything, but because they can be sneaky bastards. They mess with my personal things and pretend to be unaware when confronted. Small things like disappearing shampoo, roaming toothpaste tubes, self-eating food, self-shattering glass, vanishing rent money. It leaves you asking, "If they didn't do it, then who? Did I do it and forget? Am I losing my shit?" These things are definitely happening. I am a logical person. Someone must be doing this. I have been called crazy for my entire life, so years of subtle conditioning made me wonder. How can one know if one has gone off the deep end? One cannot diagnose oneself with the diseased organ. Could I be sleep-eating? Could I be losing large chunks of time? What could I be doing during these blackouts? What if I do something weird? What if I hurt someone? It's scary. Logic dictated my next course of action. I simply took all of my possessions and gathered them up into my room. The problems stopped then. Fuck them for screwing with me! I was seriously worried for a while.
Story
We all know the story. You are born, you grow bigger and stronger, and that strength eventually fades. You shrink, and you die. But what if this is wrong? What if this isn't natural? What if we are all being manipulated into believing this because it is all we know?
On an isolated land deep in the Antarctic lies a land of lush fields and dark jungles. Since it's discovery it has been kept secret. Only top world leaders know of its existence. There lies a shaky truce between us and the inhabitants of this land. These people have lived undisturbed for millennia. Our people stay out. Their people stay in. That is the truce. That is what keeps the secret.
Mr. and Mrs. Finch are modern day daredevils and adventurers. They met on a climb up Everest and have been risking life and limb together ever since. They were in the middle of a race around the world. Just the two of them on a sailboat with no navigational equipment except the sky above. A squall threw them off-course south of Australia. When the storm had passed, they did a damage assessment. The boat held superbly, but a cache of supplies was tossed overboard. They would need to stop soon to resupply. Spotting a passing barge, they altered course to intercept it. They were planning to ask for or buy some food from them to hold them over until they reached shore. They hailed the ship but received no response. In fact, the barge seemed as if it were speeding up to get away from them. They kept following under the assumption the crew aboard did not spot them. They trailed it south hoping to catch up. Where could the ship be going? There is nothing south but Antarctica. The Finches, thrilled by a sense of adventure followed onward.
Story
We all know the story. You are born, you grow bigger and stronger, and that strength eventually fades. You shrink, and you die. But what if this is wrong? What if this isn't natural? What if we are all being manipulated into believing this because it is all we know?
On an isolated land deep in the Antarctic lies a land of lush fields and dark jungles. Since it's discovery it has been kept secret. Only top world leaders know of its existence. There lies a shaky truce between us and the inhabitants of this land. These people have lived undisturbed for millennia. Our people stay out. Their people stay in. That is the truce. That is what keeps the secret.
Mr. and Mrs. Finch are modern day daredevils and adventurers. They met on a climb up Everest and have been risking life and limb together ever since. They were in the middle of a race around the world. Just the two of them on a sailboat with no navigational equipment except the sky above. A squall threw them off-course south of Australia. When the storm had passed, they did a damage assessment. The boat held superbly, but a cache of supplies was tossed overboard. They would need to stop soon to resupply. Spotting a passing barge, they altered course to intercept it. They were planning to ask for or buy some food from them to hold them over until they reached shore. They hailed the ship but received no response. In fact, the barge seemed as if it were speeding up to get away from them. They kept following under the assumption the crew aboard did not spot them. They trailed it south hoping to catch up. Where could the ship be going? There is nothing south but Antarctica. The Finches, thrilled by a sense of adventure followed onward.
Growing Up AKA The Process of Weeding Out
I'm sure a lot of you will not agree with me on this, and may get upset by what I'm about to say, but it's my opinion and my blog! Don't like it? Then skip ahead to the story. No one is stopping you.
I'm watching Hellraiser right now and it's a little distracting, but here we go anyway. When we are children, we all have dreams and ambitions. We all want to be someone. We all want to do something. As we get a bit older, those dreams become more concrete. Some of us want to be musicians, or astronauts, or writers, or what have you. Some just want to explore, to see the world. Everybody's got something. Nobody wants to be nothing.
The reality is often much different then we had imagined, the struggle too great. The older we get, the harder it is to keep holding on. There is simply never enough money, never enough time, never enough energy. We keep waiting for that easy break that will send us on the fast track to our dreams. Hey, hate to break the news to you, but that is probably not going to happen. If you keep waiting around for the right moment, it's never going to come. You could wait all your life for the bills to be settled, debts to be paid, classes to be finished... and you will. You'll just keep on making excuses and little postponements til the day you die a nobody.
I am 25 and when I look around me, I see losers. I see people who have completely given up. Slowly through the years, I've watched musicians stop playing, painters stop painting, writers stop writing. People who once only spoke of travel, have yet to leave the state. It's pretty, well, pathetic.
More and more around me, people are joining the military, having kids, getting married. Are these the dreams you talked so much about all your life? For a few, the answer actually is yes, so if you're one of those, congratulations! You did it! I'm happy for you. But being a government dog, a single parent, or stuck with someone you can't stand anymore, aren't the things I remember you speaking of with stars in your eyes and hope in your heart.
Hellraiser fucking rules.
I hope you enjoy your second-place prizes. It's the ones with true grit, with real determination, and with pure strength of spirit who get what they really want. It's those of us who are still fighting, still struggling through it all that will get the big payoff. It is with hard work that you achieve. It is by reaching for your dreams despite lack of funds, time, and energy that get you to them. Everyone talks the talk while they are young. It is years of disappointment and let-downs that separate the wanna-bes from the true believers.
You must ask yourself if you want it badly enough to forgo sleep, comfort, and even love. Do you have what it takes to become what you've always wanted to be? Did you keep your eye on the prize, or did you settle?
Story
This is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down. I'd to to take a minute just sit right there. I'll tell you how I became the prince of
Just kidding.
Hello there. My name is Jake Robinson. I was a scientist at the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of Natural History in New York. Now I'm a skyentist in basically the same place. You see, I was in Switzerland attending a lecture on advanced thermodynamics in relation to new technological advancements in electric-based rocket propulsion systems. At this point in time, we still require a combination of the two in order to reach escape velocity. The lecture detailed specifics on how and when combustion is best applied during launch and flight. Dr. West's frustration with current solar energy collectors really hit home for me. Until higher energy conversion efficiency is achieved, it's still an impractical solution to reducing craft weight. But oh, I apologize. I did not mean to bore you with my old life. You can learn all about that on your own. I'm here to explain something completely different. The membrane will only be porous for a short while. I have no time to waste.
Being nearer the vicinity of the Large Hadron Collider at CERN Laboratories than I will likely be for some time, I decided to have a visit. I phoned a friend who was currently employed there and he offered to give me a tour of the facility. It is even beyond my understanding, but you must listen. I have no time left. A collision released a burst of energy never seen before as I'm sure you've heard about by now. Do not worry. Dr. Halsey and I are alive and well. The energy tore a hole in the fabric of the universe! We .... transported..... parallel... multi.... has finally been confirmed!!! Do... ou hear?! It's real! ...the cars are made of vegetables..... A tomato with..... just.... drove by. ..... world peac... that easy.... all music.... by farts! It all sounds like farts! The reason is.... see?! That's why.... on Earth. You must listen!............................ AIRSNAKE!----------
I'm watching Hellraiser right now and it's a little distracting, but here we go anyway. When we are children, we all have dreams and ambitions. We all want to be someone. We all want to do something. As we get a bit older, those dreams become more concrete. Some of us want to be musicians, or astronauts, or writers, or what have you. Some just want to explore, to see the world. Everybody's got something. Nobody wants to be nothing.
The reality is often much different then we had imagined, the struggle too great. The older we get, the harder it is to keep holding on. There is simply never enough money, never enough time, never enough energy. We keep waiting for that easy break that will send us on the fast track to our dreams. Hey, hate to break the news to you, but that is probably not going to happen. If you keep waiting around for the right moment, it's never going to come. You could wait all your life for the bills to be settled, debts to be paid, classes to be finished... and you will. You'll just keep on making excuses and little postponements til the day you die a nobody.
I am 25 and when I look around me, I see losers. I see people who have completely given up. Slowly through the years, I've watched musicians stop playing, painters stop painting, writers stop writing. People who once only spoke of travel, have yet to leave the state. It's pretty, well, pathetic.
More and more around me, people are joining the military, having kids, getting married. Are these the dreams you talked so much about all your life? For a few, the answer actually is yes, so if you're one of those, congratulations! You did it! I'm happy for you. But being a government dog, a single parent, or stuck with someone you can't stand anymore, aren't the things I remember you speaking of with stars in your eyes and hope in your heart.
Hellraiser fucking rules.
I hope you enjoy your second-place prizes. It's the ones with true grit, with real determination, and with pure strength of spirit who get what they really want. It's those of us who are still fighting, still struggling through it all that will get the big payoff. It is with hard work that you achieve. It is by reaching for your dreams despite lack of funds, time, and energy that get you to them. Everyone talks the talk while they are young. It is years of disappointment and let-downs that separate the wanna-bes from the true believers.
You must ask yourself if you want it badly enough to forgo sleep, comfort, and even love. Do you have what it takes to become what you've always wanted to be? Did you keep your eye on the prize, or did you settle?
Story
This is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down. I'd to to take a minute just sit right there. I'll tell you how I became the prince of
Just kidding.
Hello there. My name is Jake Robinson. I was a scientist at the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of Natural History in New York. Now I'm a skyentist in basically the same place. You see, I was in Switzerland attending a lecture on advanced thermodynamics in relation to new technological advancements in electric-based rocket propulsion systems. At this point in time, we still require a combination of the two in order to reach escape velocity. The lecture detailed specifics on how and when combustion is best applied during launch and flight. Dr. West's frustration with current solar energy collectors really hit home for me. Until higher energy conversion efficiency is achieved, it's still an impractical solution to reducing craft weight. But oh, I apologize. I did not mean to bore you with my old life. You can learn all about that on your own. I'm here to explain something completely different. The membrane will only be porous for a short while. I have no time to waste.
Being nearer the vicinity of the Large Hadron Collider at CERN Laboratories than I will likely be for some time, I decided to have a visit. I phoned a friend who was currently employed there and he offered to give me a tour of the facility. It is even beyond my understanding, but you must listen. I have no time left. A collision released a burst of energy never seen before as I'm sure you've heard about by now. Do not worry. Dr. Halsey and I are alive and well. The energy tore a hole in the fabric of the universe! We .... transported..... parallel... multi.... has finally been confirmed!!! Do... ou hear?! It's real! ...the cars are made of vegetables..... A tomato with..... just.... drove by. ..... world peac... that easy.... all music.... by farts! It all sounds like farts! The reason is.... see?! That's why.... on Earth. You must listen!............................ AIRSNAKE!----------
Fuck Cars.
I fucking hate cars! So little innovation in such a great length of time. Cars are the biggest bunch of bullshit. Super fucking expensive and all you get is a giant piece of crap. Let's just take a second to look at these ridiculous lumps of trash. First of all, these dumb things run on a finite fuel source that is both inefficient in converting that energy, but pollutes the fuck out of the environment. A full tank doesn't even go that far and gas is as expensive as all hell. Secondly, these massive loads of crap are supported by four strips of rubber filled with air. How in the fuck is that intelligent? Rubber? Pliable, shred-able, stab-able, rubber? How the fuck is that supposed to last? Drive over a nail, and you're tire becomes instantly useless, thus the entire car becomes useless. Plus, any fucker with the urge can stab them and fuck your whole shit up with barely any effort. And the shitty rubber strips are filled with air! Motherfucking air! How is that safe?! 2 tons of metal zooming down the street at 50MPH on four fucking balloons! Great idea, asshole. Hey, here's an idea. Why don't we start building our houses on foundations made of fucking styrofoam? And every year we pay to jam some more underneath in order to keep our houses standing up straight?
Here's another awesome thing. The braking system for these things are two flat rocks on either side of the wheel that pinch it and the resulting friction expends energy from it's momentum. Two fucking rocks literally squeeze the wheels to make them stop. That is just so damn technical. Come on, it's 2013. Every part of the car is weak and easily worn. Shit breaks on the slightest of bumps. You are constantly replacing some stupid thing or other. It never ends. You spend craploads of money just to get the thing, and all it does is constantly suck the money out of your account. All this just so you can get from point A to point B. Why? Why don't we just get rid of all the useless fucking things already and have buses and shit that will take you anywhere quickly? Why are we still driving ourselves at all?
As you all know, each crapmobile is equipped with 2 giant lights in the front. This is so you can see where you are going at night. Great idea, until you have hundreds of these fucking things on every street. These lights have 2 settings: annoying as fuck, and paralyzingly blinding. Why don't the streets light up as you drive down them? It would save power and increase road safety. And speaking of road safety, WHY AREN'T ALL CARS FACTORY EQUIPPED WITH BREATHALYZER STARTERS? How many people a year are killed by drunk drivers? You don't want people to drive drunk? Here's your fucking solution you money-grubbing pricks. I have barely even scratched the surface on my total, all encompassing, passionate hatred of automobiles, but I'm tired, and I'm guessing you've had enough. You get the idea, I'm sure. FUCK CARS.
Here's another awesome thing. The braking system for these things are two flat rocks on either side of the wheel that pinch it and the resulting friction expends energy from it's momentum. Two fucking rocks literally squeeze the wheels to make them stop. That is just so damn technical. Come on, it's 2013. Every part of the car is weak and easily worn. Shit breaks on the slightest of bumps. You are constantly replacing some stupid thing or other. It never ends. You spend craploads of money just to get the thing, and all it does is constantly suck the money out of your account. All this just so you can get from point A to point B. Why? Why don't we just get rid of all the useless fucking things already and have buses and shit that will take you anywhere quickly? Why are we still driving ourselves at all?
As you all know, each crapmobile is equipped with 2 giant lights in the front. This is so you can see where you are going at night. Great idea, until you have hundreds of these fucking things on every street. These lights have 2 settings: annoying as fuck, and paralyzingly blinding. Why don't the streets light up as you drive down them? It would save power and increase road safety. And speaking of road safety, WHY AREN'T ALL CARS FACTORY EQUIPPED WITH BREATHALYZER STARTERS? How many people a year are killed by drunk drivers? You don't want people to drive drunk? Here's your fucking solution you money-grubbing pricks. I have barely even scratched the surface on my total, all encompassing, passionate hatred of automobiles, but I'm tired, and I'm guessing you've had enough. You get the idea, I'm sure. FUCK CARS.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Romance
We're a strange breed, you know. A very rare and strange breed; us romantics.We generally don't have long shelf-lives. We're disaster prone. We risk it all for our beliefs. We die fighting for our love. We openly oppose insurmountable forces. We're reckless, foolish, thick-headed, obstinate, stubborn, spontaneous, unrealistic, emotional, over-zealous, overreacting, dramatic, fickle, impractical, dreamers. Yet, we are beauty, and love, and honor, and courage. Our faults run as deep as our good qualities reach high. We are treacherous territory indeed. It is our boundless love which separates us from the rest of mankind. We love too strongly, we care too deeply. We are the stuff of poetry and fairy tales. We are sullen and dark. We speak of terrible things. We liken ourselves to the devil, while at the same time, we inspire those around us. We lose sight of this easily. This is our normal state of being. Others long to be us. Others fear us. Their world is singularly focused on our ways. They use our words, our art, and our actions to give themselves meaning in this world. They glorify us. They make demons of us. They hold contradictory thoughts of us, usually switching from one to the other at the drop of a hat. This is because they do not understand us, nor will they ever. They look to each other for signs of how to react to us. Only a romantic understands a romantic. The rest stew in their jealousy, looking for any excuse to prove our ill intent, or to falsify our accomplishments in a mistaken effort to expose our lives and hearts for the farce that they wish them to be while solidifying their own belief that their hum-drum way of seeing things and of living, is the correct choice. They fear. They fear to be like us. They fear to let themselves go and take a risk. They hide away safely in their shell of anonymity and lunge at the slightest opportunity to force us to do the same. They fear to be us, and they use us as examples of the danger of being free, of being oneself through and through, of wearing your heart on your sleeve, by making hyperbole of our slightest misfortunes.
But do not forget, no matter what may happen, we may never change our lot.
Story.
I once knew a man with a fire in his belly. His back was straight and his jaw was square. He'd come and go as he pleased. He never did anything he did not like. He did not show distaste for things that did not interest him. He was simply indifferent of them. He'd leave one night without a word, and return with stories of grandeur. He'd hop on trains and stroll aimlessly into the night.
I asked him once how he chose his path. He didn't, were his only words. He left on a whim and returned on another. He had no job or place of residence, yet he was always provided for. He seldom went hungry and his clothes were all new. I envied this man deeply.
At night people from town would gather round. They'd listen to his tales and hoot and holler at his boldness. He seemed to have no fear. No matter where he went or what he did he always came out on top. His bar tab was always nil as those who listened always offered the next round.
When he was gone, his name was still spoken. Theories of what his currents adventures would hold would be exchanged. He held us all in the palm of his hand, yet at the same time, he acted with a carefree air. No amount of money or lucrative prospect lured him. It was as if he were untouchable. He was the most powerful man I'd ever known. His laugh was strong, his muscles tight, the ground beneath him seemed to shake. His voice was loud and his mind was keen. I came to believe he was more than just a man. That he was an ancient Greek hero come to life. I longed for what he's always had. Around him, my stability felt claustrophobic. My routine seemed not worth the bother. By comparison, I felt utterly insignificant and boring.
He took to me for some reason; always seeking me out of the crowd. He confided in me his secrets. He said I truly listened whilst the others only heard what they wanted to hear, but it was I who heard his soul. I idolized him for many years. His charm was contagious. Then one cold autumn night, with the rattle of leaves filling the air he took me aside. He drank heavily and straight from the bottle. He swaggered back and forth even as he sat. He looked infinitely worn and tired. He told me a story. A story from long long ago. Of a girl he once loved, and would love forevermore. Her skin held the sunlight. Her eyes held the world. Her voice was like music from a land long forgotten. Her kindness was abounding. Small animals followed her trail. Her touch was the softest, and her kisses like wine. He was drunk off her smiles, and was with her all the time. But she cast off his love and left him behind, to wallow in madness and fortified wine. Not a day goes by when he doesn't think of her. Her memory is like ice. It freezes his insides, and leaves him longing to die.
I stopped my envy then. Each day for him is a hell. He was found in the morning hanging. In his hand, a note of farewell.
But do not forget, no matter what may happen, we may never change our lot.
Story.
I once knew a man with a fire in his belly. His back was straight and his jaw was square. He'd come and go as he pleased. He never did anything he did not like. He did not show distaste for things that did not interest him. He was simply indifferent of them. He'd leave one night without a word, and return with stories of grandeur. He'd hop on trains and stroll aimlessly into the night.
I asked him once how he chose his path. He didn't, were his only words. He left on a whim and returned on another. He had no job or place of residence, yet he was always provided for. He seldom went hungry and his clothes were all new. I envied this man deeply.
At night people from town would gather round. They'd listen to his tales and hoot and holler at his boldness. He seemed to have no fear. No matter where he went or what he did he always came out on top. His bar tab was always nil as those who listened always offered the next round.
When he was gone, his name was still spoken. Theories of what his currents adventures would hold would be exchanged. He held us all in the palm of his hand, yet at the same time, he acted with a carefree air. No amount of money or lucrative prospect lured him. It was as if he were untouchable. He was the most powerful man I'd ever known. His laugh was strong, his muscles tight, the ground beneath him seemed to shake. His voice was loud and his mind was keen. I came to believe he was more than just a man. That he was an ancient Greek hero come to life. I longed for what he's always had. Around him, my stability felt claustrophobic. My routine seemed not worth the bother. By comparison, I felt utterly insignificant and boring.
He took to me for some reason; always seeking me out of the crowd. He confided in me his secrets. He said I truly listened whilst the others only heard what they wanted to hear, but it was I who heard his soul. I idolized him for many years. His charm was contagious. Then one cold autumn night, with the rattle of leaves filling the air he took me aside. He drank heavily and straight from the bottle. He swaggered back and forth even as he sat. He looked infinitely worn and tired. He told me a story. A story from long long ago. Of a girl he once loved, and would love forevermore. Her skin held the sunlight. Her eyes held the world. Her voice was like music from a land long forgotten. Her kindness was abounding. Small animals followed her trail. Her touch was the softest, and her kisses like wine. He was drunk off her smiles, and was with her all the time. But she cast off his love and left him behind, to wallow in madness and fortified wine. Not a day goes by when he doesn't think of her. Her memory is like ice. It freezes his insides, and leaves him longing to die.
I stopped my envy then. Each day for him is a hell. He was found in the morning hanging. In his hand, a note of farewell.
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