No Matter How Close Two People Are, An Infinite Distance Separates Them.

I like humour that is engaging and tricky. Some have called me an asshole for my special kind of jokes. I guess they're right, but fuck em. My style has a purpose.

I want to get you to think. And more importantly, I want to get you to think in different ways.

But not only that. The type and presentation of my humour does much more. They are, in a sense, tests. When I interact with you, I'm learning about you. You can learn more by talking than by listening.

Much information is purposely omitted. I call these spaces "Intuitive Gaps." The larger the space, the harder the trail is to follow. Like in animal tracking, there is a very definite trail left in these gaps. Anyone can follow one footprint to the following footprint, but to follow a winding trail through the forest takes skill and knowledge. The further down you can track the animal without straying, the better you are of a tracker. The same applies to Intuitive Gaps. The larger the space, the further your mind must be able to leap. The further you can leap, the more intelligent you are. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

One can be intelligent in some areas, and lacking in others. Variety is essential. This is why constant testing is imperative to a more accurate reading.

Many statements are of an ambiguous nature. A compliment to one is an insult to another. The more ambiguous the statement, the more freedom you give the listener to choose its meaning. In film-making, there is an isomorphic technique. You have your actor give as emotionally devoid of an expression as possible. The viewer will project their own feelings onto the actor. The same can be done with language.

I find people I like by applying these and myriad more methods.

Every little action both physical and verbal carries deep, rich meaning.

It is not simply what you say. It is a slight dilation of the pupils, the angle of your chest to my chest, the pitch of your voice, a wrinkle in the corner of your eye, the blood distribution throughout your body, the speed between reactions, the directions your eyes wander to. The real trick is picking up on these signals without being caught. Putting your subject at ease is first and foremost if genuineness is what you're after. Openly studying someone destroys that.

Even harder is to be aware of your own actions and reactions as you do this.

If at any point you feel I am insane or entirely arbitrary, it is simply that you could not follow the trail.

GHOST IN THE PUSHEEN

There's something inorganic, and therefor disingenuous. about quotes from historical figures or celebrities. There is an unrelatable diconnect. It just doesn't feel "real." It functions more like a piece of propaganda, only carrying significance for those who have already fully submitted to its ethos.

To the rest of us, it is registered as a meaningless annoyance and promptly blocked out before its message can be delivered. People who actually use their brains respond much more positively to organic self-expression, even if it is less powerful or elegantly worded, than a Gandhi repost or a Neil Degrasse Tyson meme. Even when it is flawed, natural expression is more engaging and feels truer. More constructive conversations begin this way. Quotes from historical figures or current celebrities tend to incite ignorant screaming matches of a caliber only slightly higher than that of a religious debate.

You may find yourself writing a page of material before you choose just the right words, but I believe it is worth the effort. I mean, just look how genuine the previous sentence feels. There is a famous quote that says the same exact thing. Yet, if I were to have used that quote, I would have come of a bit preachy and pretentious. Instead I use my voice to speak my message.

Speak what you honestly believe, from an unguarded, slightly afraid place inside of yourself, or no one is going to give a shit.

Meta-Normies

I've been thinking up new words for people who are like normies but in a bigger sense. Normies are dull, small-minded, cowards who entrench themselves in the titanic fog of the mundane. Choosing anonymity over self-expression. But there's another level to this. An upper echelon of ignorance. The main (and easiest) way to spot them is by their false belief that people of the past were any less intelligent than people are now. They love to look at random (usually incorrect on some level) events from history and pass judgement on the people who lived during that time. Before the discovery of germs, nobody really used soap. The Earth does seem pretty fucking flat from most places. A lot of these since debunked commonly held "truths" turned out to be wrong. That doesn't make them any dumber than you. They simply did not have that knowledge available to them. When someone (or multiple people working together) figured this crap out, it was then given to you on a silver fucking platter. So of course it seems like common sense to you. You've known it all of your life. But it's not like you figured that shit out on your own. If you were alive during these eras, you would most likely have believed the same wrong crap as everyone else.

Most of you believe marriage is all about love. This is what you've been told all of your life. You grew up watching animated movies devoted to the shit. You harbor unattainable expectations about love and marriage because that is what you were fed. Hate to break it to you, but all that true love, endless joy, happily ever after nonsense is a load of bullshit. Marriage has only extremely recently become a matter of "love." (Whatever that is.) I won't go into the history of love now because it will take to fucking long and you assholes can easily push a few buttons and find it yourself.

People have been at roughly the same intelligence level since the dawn of modern man. It's our knowledge that has had a substantial boon over time, not our overall intelligence level. We have gotten smarter, but only marginally so.

This is a series. There more of these. And they have millions of views. Tell me now how much 
smarter we are now than we were in the past.

And because I still don't believe you get it. Those highlighted words up there, are a link. You click them and it takes you to a video. You move your mouse cursor over the highlighted words. You push the left mouse button down.

Tell me now how much smarter we are.

Workin as a waitress... in a cocktail baaaAAAAaaaAaAar

Alright. So basically there is this big fuckin place with a ton of shit on it. All kinds of shit. Shit that moves around and does stuff. Shit that just sits there. Useful shit. Entertaining shit. Cute shit. Weird shit. Hard shit. Liquid shit. Shit gas. All the kinds of shit you can imagine. And the one thing all this shit has in common is that it is all beautiful and special in it's own way. Which is nice.

The problem is that there is one very specific little type of turd that hates itself and wants to make itself as miserable as possible. We call these miserable fucks Human Beans. These bean people hate feeling happy and safe. They don't want to be loved. They just want the other bean poles to violate and abuse them. This is stupid.

So what I do is V simple. I go around fucking with the leguminous monsters. I come under the guise of a great and powerful destructor and all beans from fillet to romano worship my awesome might and prolific grandeur. I break them from the inside out. I corrupt their worldview. I sodomize their static perspectives and piss all over their crinkled brain sacks. After that, I trick them. It's easy. They don't even see it coming. I trick them into noticing the pulchritude within them and this big fuckin place full of shit. I get them to love themselves, the dirtball, and all the dumb shit on it.

And that's it. All done.

Click this if you are sexy.

Update* The government is probably following my every move and systematically destroying everything that brings me joy in this craptastic excuse for a country because the video/song this was named after was just removed. Now the title makes no sense! It barely made sense in the first place!

I know you're watching me, Government! I know you know how much I love jerking off. Let me enjoy the things I enjoy. Quit fucking with the system you yourselves put in place. Media exists to quell the anarchistic chaos-driven malintent notions within us before they can substantiate themselves in reality. I get that. I don't care. I'm not trying to start a revolution. I'm just an asshole. Now give me back my stupid videos, the rest of my Fleetwood Mac, more Cramps, allow someone to upload a good quality version of Bladerunner to Youtube, and let me continue to jerk off both literally and figuratively.

In lieu of this current dilemma, watch this instead. It actually makes more sense (which I despise)

Thank you

PS I'm sorry your job sucks and you're paid to creep on and make strangers sad. That blows.

Substanceless Accomplishment

I don't believe being important in the eyes of others or making some vast change for humankind is actually any kind of genuine accomplishment. What is a person, after-all? A bit of nothing. No. Less than nothing. Completely and utterly inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. So what is zero multiplied by a million? A billion? 7 billion? Still zero. We're lying to ourselves. We push up others to heights we feel we will never reach in an attempt to create importance out of nothing. We tell ourselves lies to give meaning to supposed power and talent belonging only to the holy ministry of fame and it's disciples of celebrity. Cognitive dissonance on a massive level. By having a system in place that glorifies the few while devaluing the many, we protect ourselves from harsh, unmerciful truths. The few who made it become more than human. Eternal and god-like. The many console themselves with the idea that they lack the magical prowess of a deity required to elevate to such nirvanic heights. Whilst simultaneously birthing a reason to keep others from striving for the summit of their own ambitions. We can mock and vilify those who dare to dream. And if they fall, gratify ourselves with their ruination. A ruination that appeases the voices of fear within our minds. The ones that say you are never good enough. The ones that persuade you not to try, to stay where it is safe. Despite all the conventions driven into our brains from birth, there really is no point to anything we do. So, look upon Time's incalculable might, and tremble! Then get up, abandon your pointless fears, and waste what little time you have, doing what makes you happy.


I needed that. Every interaction with others is a test in self discipline. I tired of holding my tongue, or answering with a nod or a word. The back-flow of words is building to tempestuous grandeur and if I don't open the sluices I'm going to fucking suffocate in a mire of frustrated silence. I don't care if my opinions are sharp and biting. I need to set the steel-toothed monstrosity loose or suffer it's death-grip myself. I don't care who gets it or who is hurt by it. It needs to roam. I may not know what I'm doing, but at least I don't pretend I do. At least I can look at myself with pride, and face the uncertainty, standing alone, with head held high. Nothing out there can knock me down and I dare them to try. I'll never follow your advice. I could care less for your approval. And I refuse to be tied down by your needs



 It's just I've been feeling the tenebrous tentacles of my life constricting around me more than usual.

Cigarettes

When I started smoking, I started for one simple reason: I wanted to die



For me, my inevitable death was the only comfort I had in life. And with every cigarette I felt one step closer to death. That was a good thing to me. That was the only freedom and peace I could ever look forward to in life of constant fear and misery.

As the years passed by, I always felt I would quit one day, if I lived that long. The age I always focused on as my quitting year was 35. If I was still alive by 35, I would quit because it was taking too long. If they don't kill me by then, they're only making life worse. So that is when I always promised myself I would quit.

Lately I've been thinking about this. I love to sing and I think about how much better I would be if I stopped. I think about how much faster, stronger, and better I would feel if I quit and I start thinking that I might actually do that earlier than planned. It is logical after all. I would feel healthier and better if I quit. I dwell on this more and more. And how stupid it is to smoke. I get almost to the point of deciding to give it up right away when that old question floats back into my thoughts: Do I still want to die?



It's a hard question. I don't really know if I can answer that yet. As incredibly better as life has become, I still feel old pains ringing out from my past. I still have issues and problems that drive me to loneliness and despair. I still can't tell whether I'm actually happy, or that I'm just that good at faking it. In short, I don't know whether I want to die or not. I've been alive too long to feel such comfort from drastic change. I've grown accustomed to this shit life. There are even rare moments where I even fear death.


Now that scares me. The thing that brought me so much comfort now scares me sometimes. What do I have left to look forward to now? Being scared of death makes me not want to live anymore, but not living anymore scares me, so I want to live, but I hate life, so I want to die, but I'm afraid of dying so I want to live, but I'm afraid of living so I want to die...  It's an ouroboros effect.


I hate this ambivalence. It pervades every aspect of my outer and inner life. It chases me in dreams and haunts my every waking moment. I feel as if I've lost all substance. Like I've become amorphous, hollow, invisible. I do not have an opinion one way or the other. I'm constantly torn by indecisiveness. I am simply existing. And at that, just barely. I have no goals. No ambitions. No motivation. All has become gray. Happiness is just a thing. No better or worse than sadness. Hardly even different at all. One flavor is as good as the next. Whether I disappoint or overachieve, I feel no different. I feel nothing, always. I see things and I understand them, but nothing truly moves me. It's all just there. I respond with how I feel I should respond, but without the actual feeling.


Do I still want to die? I don't know.
I'm looking for something, anything to breathe new life into me, but it is hard when you don't really care.

I drift.
I drift away.
I drift away from you.
And it goes unnoticed.
Without a whisper.
No sound at all.

I'm back. Miss me?

I have a lot I've been meaning to write. Now I know it is probably not a good idea to start with a horrible, hatred-spewing rant, but fuck you. This blog is for me, you're just along for the ride. If you don't like it, then do something else. I don't have the time or energy to pander to an audience I could care less about.

See? Bad.

This piece is about why I am so miserable. I adore myself and all I've done thus far. I'm not the problem here. The problem is much bigger than little ole me.

If you feel trapped and depressed. Maybe unfulfilled and tired. Fusstrated or downright peeved. Maybe this will help.

As of now, society has a sickness and we've been treating the symptoms, not the cause. A society is an organism like any other. So yes it can get sick! Its symptoms are generally seen as trends in mental illness. A doctor of societies can (in theory) diagnose the health of a social system based on its prevalent mental illnesses. But this is America! We have pills for that! Who cares about fixing problems? We just want to feel good, right?

Here is the unfinished piece.



We live in a world where heavy music is bad, light music is good, brown people are bad and white people are good. Where you should feel guilty for being happy, ashamed for being unhappy, and momentary pleasures are the name of the game. Money is life and fame is all that matters. To be religious is to be good, wholesome, but only if that religion is Christianity. A place where, right from birth, you guided toward assimilation. Conformity is rewarded, individuality is loathed. Caring about things and experiencing emotions are equated with lunacy. Negative thoughts and feelings should be suppressed, destroyed, and never shown. Hurting someone's feelings is worse than hurting someone's body. Nudity is more taboo than murder, torture, gore, rape, and violence. No one can be special on their own. To be special, you must first have the acknowledgment from others that you are special. Reading is boring and only for smart people. Smart people who are assholes that think they are better than everyone else and the sole reason to read is to make others feel stupid and shame them for not being readers. A place where beauty equals talent. Where people who are different must live in constant fear of unprovoked attacks. Obedience is rewarded. Ignorance and stupidity reign supreme. Women are little more than sexual objects and secretly desire abuse. Competition obliterates cooperation. Everyone believes they are entitled to everything. Scientific facts are only true if you agree with them. Stretching makes you a spiritual person. Humans are exploitable resources. Things are to be hoarded. We must be remembered. The leading reasons to bring a child into this Sick Sad World are loneliness, and depression from being a failure at life. Food is unhealthy for you. Natural resources are enframed, overfarmed, and overmined. Edible food is thrown away. Empty homes outnumber the homeless. Ads constantly bombard you from every direction. A place where six companies can own everything. Where freedom is only a word used in propaganda. Art is rigorously censured. People are consistently told that they never have enough. Most can't financially afford to be alive. Each of you are easily replaceable and deserve to be treated like slaves. You have no choice. And it is executed so subtly over such a long period of time that most of us don't notice until it is too late (if at all) and accept it as normal.

GOD BLESS AMERICA





I also wrote an elegant bit of writing the other day that I plan to edit a bit and post later.
Then I am going to write an advice article on personal happiness you might find intriguing. Maybe it will help you to get closer to actualizing the bliss I feel every time I think of myself, and how sexy and interesting, and smart I am. I really am the greatest.