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Friday, August 28, 2015

Unawareness Groups

Whenever I see awareness groups for queers, women, and other minorities, I get confused. What exactly are they trying to do? Who are they appealing to? To me it seems like they're asking for help. If they are asking for help, then who exactly are they asking help from? They can't be asking themselves for help. That would be silly. So what group isn't forming an awareness group? White men. By that logic, these groups are simultaneously hating on white men while asking for help from them. That's stupid. That can't be right. Let's try something else.

Since the day I was born, I never noticed that there was such a thing as "different" people. I've always thought of people as people. They're all different. I saw them as individuals only to be judged by their own individual merit. I never lumped people together in abstract groups. Apparently I was wrong because there are all these clans of people that form based on the most tenuous of requirements. Like whether or not you were born with a penis, or what color your skin is. They make it seem like we were given a choice of this before birth and that by having these things, it makes your very personality and core characteristics change. I have no idea how this works. The logic here is fucking idiotic. Every time you form a "we" you also form a "them." Those in the category of "we" are good, wholesome people to be cared for and respected. Those others, those nasty bastards belonging to the 'them" are evil monsters not even worthy to be called human. Everything "they" do is an attempt to destroy everything that "we" believe in. "They" want to corrupt "us." "They" want to rape "us." "They want to kill "us" and "we" need to rape and kill them first in order to protect ourselves. Right? No. This can't be right either. Why would we form arbitrary lines in order to violate and fear those "others" who, we all really know, are exactly like us? Hmmmm... this is strange though. Those groups do exist and they definitely must have a cause other than promote hate and intolerance for no reason.

Many feminists have berated and insulted me because I was born with a penis. To my knowledge, I haven't done anything to deserve such abuse. Why are these women being so bigoted toward me? I just want everyone to be happy. Is that a crime?

I've also been threatened and yelled at by black people for simply existing. In one particular incident, I was buying a slice of pizza. As I was waiting for it, a black man was shouting about how the white man was keeping him down. That he never had a chance because the white man never let him have one and so on in that vein. He was yelling on and on about being oppressed by white people. That they are the problem and need to be fought. As he was yelling, I thought to myself, "I'm a white man. Am I oppressing him somehow? No one ever told me I was doing something wrong. How am I unknowingly oppressing this man?" So I walked up to the screaming black man. I waited until he stopped shouting, looking him directly in the eyes as I did. When he paused for a moment, I calmly asked, "How am I oppressing you?" He ignored me and continued to yell. So I interrupted him and said, "Excuse me. I am a white man. I live down the street and barely make enough money to afford food. How exactly am I oppressing you?" He continued to ignore me and kept on yelling. We weren't getting anywhere and my friends were really nervous for some reason and were trying to get me to wait outside. But I had a legitimate question. This man three feet away from me is talking shit about me for no reason. I would like an answer.

I didn't get one. The man never responded to me. He would only falter in his rant when I asked him questions, then continue as if I said nothing, albeit with a bit less conviction. Why will no one give me a straight answer? If I'm hurting you somehow, please tell me so I can stop. Why do people insist on being so difficult? How are we ever supposed to get anywhere as a species with this dumb crap constantly going on?

As my day to day (solitary) life goes on, I forget about pretend issues like this and almost forget silly things like this exist. Yet inevitably something happens to make me remember that I'm a terrible person and should be ashamed of myself. Like black appreciation month, LBGT celebration pride something or women appreciation day or whatever. These things remind me that I'm a piece of shit for being born a white, straightish, male. And that everyone else has it way harder than I do. That's right. Me. The very same person who, for most of my life, was told all day everyday that I wasn't wanted, that I didn't belong, that my existence was a drain on everyone around me. I've been bullied by all races, all genders. I've been locked in dumpsters by all kinds of people. I've been stuffed in lockers, jumped on the sidewalk, left bloody on the side of the road, humiliated by girls, exiled from classrooms, ejected from parties, looked at with undisguised disgust and hate, ignored, attacked by mobs of people at a time, held down and tortured, and that's just for starters. Where is the superiority there? Where's my privilege? I'd give $100 dollars to the minority who can tell me a more depressing life story than my own. I may be physically alive, but I died years ago.

At this point, I'm simply wasting time until that happens. I don't think I'll ever trust or get close to anyone again. Everything you see is a lie.

I got a little off-track there. What I wanted to advocate were groups composed of all kinds of people. Anyone who felt like they were being held back can join. There would be festivals and concerts and parties, all geared toward total acceptance of everyone. There would be no signs or posters or zines. If you weren't expressly told, you wouldn't know it was an event for any specific reason. We'd all just be cool to each other. There's only one reason to speak up about bigotry, and that's if anyone says anything bigoted. You don't yell at the person, you don't attack them. You simply and calmly let them know that type of behavior is not tolerated. That is enough. Realizing the mass of people around you could instantly become your enemies is enough. Trust me.

That's it. That's the one rule. When you join, you must accept that rule. That if you are aware of abuse, you are required to speak up. It's not so scary when you know that everyone else there has your back.

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